The Atheist Ten Commandments
I. Thou shalt breathe to send oxygen to thy lungs, and thou shalt breathe repetitively for all of thy existence, except if thou beist underwater, or if thou beist in the presence of toxic gases, during which time thou shalt not breathe.
II. Thou shalt consume thy nutrition, doing so in the correct ratio of carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids, and thou shalt not consume too many saturated fats, for lo, those who do shall be called obese.
III. When thou hast processed thy nutrition, thou shalt excrete the waste, be it of a solid or of a liquid nature, and thou shalt not do so in a way that is disgusting.
IV. Thou shalt sleep at the end of the day, and continue until the next day, excepting if thou hast work to be done of if thou hast a test tomorrow.
V. Thou shalt blink thine eyes to keep upon them a healthy layer of mucus, or if there be sand or dust in them, and thou shalt continue until the sand or dust has fled.
VI. Thou shalt bathe thyself on a regular basis, for lo, those who do not bathe shall be called icky, and they shall have BO.
VII. Thou shalt exercise thy muscles, and not sit on thy @## all day, even if there beith a StarTrek marathon.
VIII. If thou beist cold, thou shalt put on a sweater, and if thou beist hot, thou shalt taketh the sweater off, and if thou remainst hot, thou shalt put on shorts or go swimming or eat a popsicle.
IX. Thou shalt use thine eyes to see and thy skin to touch and thine ears to hear and thy tongue to taste and thy nose to smell, and thou shalt not sticketh foreign objects into any of these places.
X. Thou shalt looketh both ways before thou crossest the street, thou shalt not attempteth to fly, thou shalt not toucheth a hot stove, and thou shalt generally use thy brain, for those who do not shall be called idiots, and they shall win Darwin Awards.