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Submitted on
May 6, 2007
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132 (who?)
               The Atheist Ten Commandments

I.   Thou shalt breathe to send oxygen to thy lungs, and thou shalt breathe repetitively for  all of thy existence, except if thou beist underwater, or if thou beist in the presence of toxic gases, during which time thou shalt not breathe.

II.   Thou shalt consume thy nutrition, doing so in the correct ratio of carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids, and thou shalt not consume too many saturated fats, for lo, those who do shall be called obese.

III.   When thou hast processed thy nutrition, thou shalt excrete the waste, be it of a solid or of a liquid nature, and thou shalt not do so in a way that is disgusting.

IV.   Thou shalt sleep at the end of the day, and continue until the next day, excepting if thou hast work to be done of if thou hast a test tomorrow.

V.   Thou shalt blink thine eyes to keep upon them a healthy layer of mucus, or if there be sand or dust in them, and thou shalt continue until the sand or dust has fled.

VI.   Thou shalt bathe thyself on a regular basis, for lo, those who do not bathe shall be called icky, and they shall have BO.

VII.   Thou shalt exercise thy muscles, and not sit on thy @## all day, even if there beith a StarTrek marathon.

VIII.   If thou beist cold, thou shalt put on a sweater, and if thou beist hot, thou shalt taketh the sweater off, and if thou remainst hot, thou shalt put on shorts or go swimming or eat a popsicle.

IX.   Thou shalt use thine eyes to see and thy skin to touch and thine ears to hear and thy tongue to taste and thy nose to smell, and thou shalt not sticketh foreign objects into any of these places.

X.   Thou shalt looketh both ways before thou crossest the street, thou shalt not attempteth to fly, thou shalt not toucheth a hot stove, and thou shalt generally use thy brain, for those who do not shall be called idiots, and they shall win Darwin Awards.
This was originally just for a birthday card, but I rather liked it.
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Aorta-Heartless Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
VII.   Thou shalt exercise thy muscles, and not sit on thy @## all day, even if there beith a StarTrek marathon.

Laughed on that one.
DreamyNerd42 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I laughed a few times while reading this. This is some of the most funny common sense I've ever seen.
buzzsaw133 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013
One more: Thou shall respect those who deserve to be respected.
vedisdragon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ShadowFrost1 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU! HOW DARE YOU DISGRA- Just kidding~ That's something someone overly Christian would say.

I actually find this amusing. Not much atheist rules though. More like common sense, but also perfectly reasonable.
Favninthedirewolf Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is all just common sense, though.
TheRemixMaster Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Not an atheist... but these were funny x3
Twinkie101 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011  Student
Now this is some advise I can live by, though I disagree with the "thou shalt not attempteth to fly", and vote it be changed to something like "thou shalt not attempteth to fly without any equipment such as an aircraft, parachute, or at least a helmet."
OruHime Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011
This is brilliant! I want to print it out and paper my walls with it! XD May I?
imobsessed314 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Solid advice, all. xD
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