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Literature Text
The Atheist Ten Commandments
I. Thou shalt breathe to send oxygen to thy lungs, and thou shalt breathe repetitively for all of thy existence, except if thou beist underwater, or if thou beist in the presence of toxic gases, during which time thou shalt not breathe.
II. Thou shalt consume thy nutrition, doing so in the correct ratio of carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids, and thou shalt not consume too many saturated fats, for lo, those who do shall be called obese.
III. When thou hast processed thy nutrition, thou shalt excrete the waste, be it of a solid or of a liquid nature, and thou shalt not do so in a way that is disgusting.
IV. Thou shalt sleep at the end of the day, and continue until the next day, excepting if thou hast work to be done of if thou hast a test tomorrow.
V. Thou shalt blink thine eyes to keep upon them a healthy layer of mucus, or if there be sand or dust in them, and thou shalt continue until the sand or dust has fled.
VI. Thou shalt bathe thyself on a regular basis, for lo, those who do not bathe shall be called icky, and they shall have BO.
VII. Thou shalt exercise thy muscles, and not sit on thy @## all day, even if there beith a StarTrek marathon.
VIII. If thou beist cold, thou shalt put on a sweater, and if thou beist hot, thou shalt taketh the sweater off, and if thou remainst hot, thou shalt put on shorts or go swimming or eat a popsicle.
IX. Thou shalt use thine eyes to see and thy skin to touch and thine ears to hear and thy tongue to taste and thy nose to smell, and thou shalt not sticketh foreign objects into any of these places.
X. Thou shalt looketh both ways before thou crossest the street, thou shalt not attempteth to fly, thou shalt not toucheth a hot stove, and thou shalt generally use thy brain, for those who do not shall be called idiots, and they shall win Darwin Awards.
I. Thou shalt breathe to send oxygen to thy lungs, and thou shalt breathe repetitively for all of thy existence, except if thou beist underwater, or if thou beist in the presence of toxic gases, during which time thou shalt not breathe.
II. Thou shalt consume thy nutrition, doing so in the correct ratio of carbohydrates, proteins, and lipids, and thou shalt not consume too many saturated fats, for lo, those who do shall be called obese.
III. When thou hast processed thy nutrition, thou shalt excrete the waste, be it of a solid or of a liquid nature, and thou shalt not do so in a way that is disgusting.
IV. Thou shalt sleep at the end of the day, and continue until the next day, excepting if thou hast work to be done of if thou hast a test tomorrow.
V. Thou shalt blink thine eyes to keep upon them a healthy layer of mucus, or if there be sand or dust in them, and thou shalt continue until the sand or dust has fled.
VI. Thou shalt bathe thyself on a regular basis, for lo, those who do not bathe shall be called icky, and they shall have BO.
VII. Thou shalt exercise thy muscles, and not sit on thy @## all day, even if there beith a StarTrek marathon.
VIII. If thou beist cold, thou shalt put on a sweater, and if thou beist hot, thou shalt taketh the sweater off, and if thou remainst hot, thou shalt put on shorts or go swimming or eat a popsicle.
IX. Thou shalt use thine eyes to see and thy skin to touch and thine ears to hear and thy tongue to taste and thy nose to smell, and thou shalt not sticketh foreign objects into any of these places.
X. Thou shalt looketh both ways before thou crossest the street, thou shalt not attempteth to fly, thou shalt not toucheth a hot stove, and thou shalt generally use thy brain, for those who do not shall be called idiots, and they shall win Darwin Awards.
Literature
Yes, I Have a Penis
Yes, I Have A Penis
Do not assume (if I hold the door for you),
that I am making a statement
about your inabilities
to open the door for yourself.
If you hold it for me,
I'll say 'thankyou'.
Do not assume (if I pay for the meal),
that I am underestimating
your earning capacity
as a woman.
If you invite me out for a meal,
you're paying.
Do not assume (if I defend your rights),
that I am belittling
the attempts that you have made
to defend your rights yourself.
If you defend my rights,
I'll consider you human.
Literature
For PETA
Dear PETA member,
Your idealism is charming
But I would like to offer you
A few gentle critiques
But allow me to clarify
My benign intent
I feel you might rush
To condemn my conclusions
I, among anyone,
Enjoy life, and seeking
The transcendental truths
That nature does proffer
And in nature, I have discerned
Your logical fallacy,
If I may be so candid
Please, dont interrupt
All animals evolved to fit
Inside of a niche,
One species often gives way
To another
Badgers evolved to dig,
Mice, to proliferate
Lions, to roam
Men, to invent
And when chimpanzees heft spears
Of their own design, to hunt
Other primates dow
Literature
Stephenie Meyer Sucks Part 2
I got Breaking Dawn on the day that it came out and was hoping that Meyer would somehow redeem the steadily deteriorating quality of the Twilight series. What a huge disappointment. I was even more disappointed when I found out how Meyer was responding to the criticism towards it. Then I discovered that she was writing Midnight Sun. I looked forward to that because, even though all of the books suck, they are a guilty pleasure and Twilight was the best of all of them. Then she stopped writing it! So, here I am, complaining about how these incidents are further proof of Meyer's suckage.
Breaking Dawn turned many Twilighters anti. A lot of the
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This was originally just for a birthday card, but I rather liked it.
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